Thursday, March 28, 2013
10:30 PM
today during tuition i was asked if i have a boyfriend
the urge to say i do was so strong
but i had to force myself to face the fact that i dont anymore
i lost it... and it seems like its never gona come back anymore
although i regret nothing, i really dowana hurt anymore..
its so painful
would all these be different if i din choose mj
i dun even noe if i regret entering this school
and now, the only thing i wana do is avoid.. pretend that nothing happened
look happy in front of everybody no matter how difficult it may be
i really wana go back in time but i have no idea wat i would like to change
wanting the happy times to continue being present in my life but to take away the pain
is it even possible to do that, even if travelling back in time is possible
idk
i just want everything back to how it was
even though i know this dream is too far for me to reach
like reaching out and attempting to grab a star from the sky
mayb i wasnt worth it all...
Will you ever notice me...
Friday, March 1, 2013
10:30 PM
it seriously is very painful to hear so many people telling me that i deserve better
when its all i can ever dream of
its all i wanted in my life
but i guess ur life, with or without me, isnt gona change much
just that you have one less person to constantly sms and nag at you
it sucks..
the feeling of getting less important
most likely being the onli one to remember almost every detail of the two years spent together
everything we did tgt, every place we went tgt, every reason that made us argue with each other, every effort we made for each other..
i treasure every present, every memory and thats why i remember all of it..
but now its the thing thats causing all the pain
i really hope this three years in uni wont be like my four years in sec sch..
sec sch is torturous enough even tho i knew it was something that wld never belong to me
now.. sth i used to own.. sth that once belonged to me.. i have to face this for another 2 more years.
trying my best to keep everything into a small box and lock it somewhr private at the back of my brain..
i really hope i can do this fast enough
cos its really difficult to fake all the smiles and laughs in front of u, in front of other people, just so that u will feel less hurt, just so that people around me wont keep worrying about me..
i really dont wana carry on living like this..
Will you ever notice me...
