Here's a story of a girl,
 Living in the lonely world,
 A hidden note, A secret crush,
 A little boy who talks too much.

Well, I'm standing in the crowd,
 And when you smile I check you out,
 But you don't even know my name,
 You're too busy playing games,

And I want you too know,
 If you lose your way,
 I won't let you go.

If I cut my hair,
 If I change my clothes,
 Will you notice me?

If I bite my lip,
 If I say hello,
 Will you notice me?


PROFILEY

Name: Pearki
Eggcrack: 12/03
Sch: SACPS
TMS
MJC
Home: singapore

WANTSY
+good result all though my life
+a laptop of my own
+SLR camera
+wishes to come true (:

DO LEAVE ME A TAGY

LINKSY

Cuthbert. Desmond. Khoon Hwa. Michelle 3/2. Noelyn. Rasyidah. Jess. Joyce. Sabrina. See Voon. Yijun. Yvonne. Zulaiha. Zouyi. friend. friend. friend. friend. friend. friend.

ARCHIVES;

November 2008 December 2008 May 2010 June 2010 September 2010 December 2010 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 April 2012 July 2012 October 2012 November 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 July 2013

CREDITS;

Designer
Photobucket.
Blogger.
Blogskins.
Picture 1
Picture 2
Splatter Brushes
Lyrics of the song "Notice Me" by Zetta Bytes

Friday, July 12, 2013
10:14 PM

Why am i becoming like this...?

Why is it so hard to keep it under control?

For 19 yrs,  i always keep things to myself.. cry by myself.. hardly any personal feelings are known to my family members.

But for the first time,i cant control and accidentally let it out,making everyone so worried.

I told myself that i cant do this.. i cant let them worry so much. Once again i went back to keeping all these feelings to myself. Letting everything out only when im alone.

The only difference from the past..? It has become so difficult, so painful. Sometimes i wonder why..why is it that its so different now. If i used to do it in the past,doing the same thing should be a piece of cake.

What makes u so special that im becoming like this? Are u that important that its worth the pain?

I dont know. I dont know my feelings now. I dont know what i should do. But on the other hand,i think its better not to know.

All i know is, its so difficult to control that i fear i might once again cause people around me to worry.

What can i do to stop? Is there any button to press to stop all these? Nothing that i do is helping and its killing me! ):

Will you ever notice me...

Friday, April 12, 2013
1:30 AM

if only its easy...

want to care, but cannot care.
want to show emotions, but have to hold them all back.
want to stop all these habits, but its so difficult
hoping that things will change, but have to pretend i have no feelings at all.

mayb just turning into a cold blooded person would make life so much easier
mayb from the start i shouldnt be expecting anything from this
mayb ive been taking wrong routes one after another for all my life without realising

so what am i supposed to do now?
im losing everything- hope, faith, confidence, love?- but i have to pretend to be strong
show the world that im not weak, hide all feelings away.
just cos there are ppl who depend on me for support, ppl who need my help

i guess locking up all feelings, memories and emotions for the rest of my life is a solution.. but is there a better one?
a less painful one?

Will you ever notice me...

Thursday, March 28, 2013
10:30 PM

today during tuition i was asked if i have a boyfriend
the urge to say i do was so strong
but i had to force myself to face the fact that i dont anymore
i lost it... and it seems like its never gona come back anymore

although i regret nothing, i really dowana hurt anymore..
its so painful
would all these be different if i din choose mj
i dun even noe if i regret entering this school

and now, the only thing i wana do is avoid.. pretend that nothing happened
look happy in front of everybody no matter how difficult it may be

i really wana go back in time but i have no idea wat i would like to change
wanting the happy times to continue being present in my life but to take away the pain
is it even possible to do that, even if travelling back in time is possible

idk

i just want everything back to how it was
even though i know this dream is too far for me to reach
like reaching out and attempting to grab a star from the sky

mayb i wasnt worth it all...

Will you ever notice me...

Friday, March 1, 2013
10:30 PM

it seriously is very painful to hear so many people telling me that i deserve better
when its all i can ever dream of
its all i wanted in my life

but i guess ur life, with or without me, isnt gona change much
just that you have one less person to constantly sms and nag at you

it sucks..
the feeling of getting less important
most likely being the onli one to remember almost every detail of the two years spent together
everything we did tgt, every place we went tgt, every reason that made us argue with each other, every effort we made for each other..

i treasure every present, every memory and thats why i remember all of it..
but now its the thing thats causing all the pain

i really hope this three years in uni wont be like my four years in sec sch..
sec sch is torturous enough even tho i knew it was something that wld never belong to me
now.. sth i used to own.. sth that once belonged to me.. i have to face this for another 2 more years.

trying my best to keep everything into a small box and lock it somewhr private at the back of my brain..
i really hope i can do this fast enough
cos its really difficult to fake all the smiles and laughs in front of u, in front of other people, just so that u will feel less hurt, just so that people around me wont keep worrying about me..

i really dont wana carry on living like this..

Will you ever notice me...

Friday, February 8, 2013
1:00 AM

no matter how i think of it, its still unfair..
why is life so unfair?

other girls are more demanding, have even worse tempers, but yet lasts longer..
me.. hardly even try to pick on you.. accepting flaws.. but yet ...

i have to know how to see your expression and know that i did wrong, apologise asap
but when im finally getting upset and feeling neglected, not only i dont get an apology, it all goes wrong and its all STILL my fault?

even when im not feeling loved, i constantly try to salvage, only to receive cold replies like you dont care
blaming it on me when the true problem is not even that..

even when im showing that im willing to give in alittle, u still firmly insist ur point
alternating between cold and warm replies, making me confused about what you actually feel about the situation..
if i havnt considered about your feelings
i wouldnt have waited so damn long
i wouldnt have tried to salvage
i wouldnt have tried to give in
i wouldnt have given you so many chances which you wasted again and again, over the months...
i wouldnt have waited even when i felt like im of no importance anymore, when every other object/person/event seems to come before me
i wouldnt have hoped that you will put in slightly more effort to keep us together

but all these efforts.. plus everything i hav done over the two years..
are all not recognised.. are all being pushed aside and not put into consideration
all the hurtful words even till the last day.. making me seem so pathetic, worthless, stupid

now i dont noe how to love anymore
cos putting in efforts doesnt seem to work
cos it all ends when i get angry
cos nothing seems to be appreciated
cos putting you first before anything esle, constantly thinking about you doesnt seem to be important
cos understanding your change in lifestyle and trying to adapt doesnt work
cos loving doesnt seem to be more important than fulfilling requirements

they say when you love someone, u wont want to change anything about them
does this mean that this sentence isnt true, or does it tell me that mayb you din love the true me from the beginning?

plans made for the future are all gone with the wind
never coming back again..

nobody is perfect and i accepted you for who you are
but that doesnt seem to be enough
so letting go would be better for you and me  i thought
i dont noe about you.. but its tough
very tough.. ):
letting go not because you dont love anymore.. but because you still do, is hard
everyday is a torture..
when will this torture end?

i hope you are happy now.. without such a huge burden in your life
holding you back from your success
i really hope you will do well.. and hopefully find someone better, someone who fulfills ur /ur parents' expectations and lead a better life..


cos i think its the onli thing i can do for you now..



how i wished i can wake up one day.. and its all a dream

Will you ever notice me...

Monday, January 21, 2013
12:30 AM

the things that will come, no matter how much you hate it, will come

its just a matter of time

if i didnt care about your feelings,
i would have showed all these months ago
when you have little or even no preparation at all.

but its ok
i picked someone with high status
living in my own bubble thinking that it would be forever for us.
its time for the bubble to burst
and ive already prepared for it

its gona be a difficult and long process..
i nd to stop all my habits
rearrange all my thoughts and expectations.

hope you find your own happiness soon..
and not to meet someone like me again
someone who onli know how to bring hurt and sorrow to people.

Will you ever notice me...

Sunday, January 20, 2013
8:40 AM

i realise no matter how much preparations i made..
no matter how long i had to prepare,
its still not enough..

Will you ever notice me...